My Rough Edges

Not questioning or denying who I really am

This blog is a space for honest stories, thought-provoking questions, and practical tools for personal and collective growth. It’s inspired by my work as a coach, facilitator, and founder of The Lost Art of Random Conversations — and by my life as another human doing their best to make sense of it all and enjoy the journey.

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I turned 30 on Sunday.

This milestone has brought both pride and reflection—a moment to pause and take in who I am today, where I’ve been, and where I want to go.

One thing is clear: It’s time to share my “rough edges” more.

For much of my life, I’ve been hyper-focused on appearing steady, grounded, patient, kind, and empathetic. Always having the right words to say. Always carrying a smile.

And that makes sense—because those really are key parts of who I am.

But there’s another side, too. The darkness. The moments I don’t show the world.

The Side I Hide

Like when a coaching client ghosts me, and I’m left alone on a park bench wondering why I chose this line of work.

Or when I’ve missed a deadline—again—and my colleague asks for the third time, “What happened?”

Or when the idea of making enough money through my business to one day buy a house and support a family feels impossible.

Or when I feel like I’m constantly running uphill in all areas of life.

Or when the title of “life coach” suddenly feels pretentious and misguided, and I wonder if I should just be quiet and assume my place in society.

Or when I question why I’m living in a dry, mountainous climate when all I want is to be by the ocean.

Or when I feel overwhelmed and skeptical of yet another video boasting “The 5 Things to Do to Achieve Lasting Happiness!”

Or when I feel jaded by a spiritual quote telling me to be grateful—when all I want to do is be angry.

Or when I don’t want to get out of bed, and porn, Netflix, and alcohol feel far more desirable than meditation, cooking a healthy meal, or calling a friend for support.

Or when the harshest critic in my world is… ME.

The Mask

I tell myself that if people see these parts of me, they will judge me. Push me away. Think I’m weak.

But the problem isn’t that I have these moments. The problem is that I’ve built a mask around them.

Sometimes, I don’t know how to take it off. It fits too well. Everyone else seems to like it. It feels safe. Comfortable.

But it’s not the whole story of who I am.

Because the truth is, I woke up this morning on the wrong side of the bed.

My hip ached. My head felt heavy. Anxiety and insecurity flooded my mind.

I questioned why I started this “Tom Karrel Coaching” business.

I questioned why I’m living in Colorado.

And you know what? That’s okay.

In Process, Not on Outcome

I believe we are all in process—constantly growing, learning, and evolving.

But if you’re anything like me, you sometimes get stuck on the outcome.

You wonder why you’re not already at the dream destination—the one where everything is figured out, where life feels effortless, where you are exactly who you “should” be by now.

But here’s the thing: We don’t have to be there yet.

I get to take my own advice. To just be in process.

Because right now, as I write this:

• Tears are flowing from my eyes.

• I feel overwhelmed, lonesome, and scared.

• And I don’t know if anyone will actually read these words.

But these are my rough edges.

And while they may seem sharp and dangerous at first, they are an integral part of who I am.

Closest visual description of how I am truly feeling today.

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